Graysen's BackStory: A Walk to Remember

I have so many good things to share with you!

These past two days have been filled with so many good things and only one bad thing.

The turn around. Crossing the bridge. The flip side.

Whatever term you want to use, which means change, progress, moving forward. Looking ahead and not looking back. That's where we are. That's where you can find us today.

It's a happy day. And I am so beyond happy to say that. I have been looking forward to days like today. There were days when I couldn't see them - couldn't imagine we would get here, especially this quickly.

But, then this is Graysen we are talking about.

I am so excited to see Graysen doing so well and making so much progress that I can hardly stand myself. I have so much going through my head to tell you that I can't wait to get the words written down.

Yesterday was good. Katelyn brought with her a boost for Graysen. She is someone whom Graysen is very comfortable around. These two, although seven years apart in age and living four hours away, have grown up together. We have spent many, many vacations with her family and love hanging out just catching up. We spent hours yesterday looking through Kate's wedding pictures - reminiscing about every little moment of that week.

Then...we took our first mile-long walk! Can you believe it?! Graysen walked an entire mile and did great! We were so excited for her and had planned to walk again in the evening.

Okay, the evening. That was a different story.

We decided to go out for sushi. Graysen decided she up for a short "outing", and so off we headed to the sushi place McSwaggy said was his favorite.

It was about five an a half miles away. Car rides are the worst for Graysen. She feels every little bump in the road. Stop and go is hard. Even packed into the car with pillows, it's difficult at best. But five and a half miles? She felt like she could handle it.

Well, those five and a half miles equalled to a thity-five minute car ride. At rush-hour. Downtown Austin. I lost count of how many cars honked at me because I was apparently driving entirely too slowly to keep them happy. Well! How rude!!! First of all, I hate honking. It's one of my pet peeves - just ask Tim - he thinks it's quite amusing how irritated I get with people who honk.

Just for the record, you should only honk if someone is in danger. That is my opinion. So, there you have it.

Anyway, we FINALLY got to the sushi place. It was packed. Ugh. We were told it was an hour and forty-five minute wait. Big ugh.

Graysen looked miserable at this point. So, we turned around and drove the thirty-five minutes home. All the while being honked at. Again. Kate and I decided that we were really dumb not to have realized that it was Friday night at 6:30. In our defense, it's easy to lose track of what day of the week it is when you're in one of these situations....

We decided to refer to that whole experience as our Friday the 13th horrible, terrible car ride.

We ate frozen pizza for dinner.

But today!!! Today has been all good!!! Nothing but good!!!

Graysen slept until noon. That's good. She needs sleep to heal.

She got up and ate a bowl of rice chex and some apple slices. That's so good. She needs to eat to heal.

We went for our first walk of the day. We walked 1.1 miles! That's really good. She needs to walk to heal.

This afternoon we lounged around, reading, dorm shopping online, playing games. It was good. She needs to relax to heal.

In the late afternoon, we went for our second walk. I called it a walk to remember because today I started seeing the Graysen I remember. The Graysen I know. My sweet girl is starting to be herself again.

She came up behind me in the kitchen and wrapped her arms around me. Something she used to do often, but hasn't in a while. She reached for my hand while we were walking. (It's usually Momma Bear reaching for her hand in the ever-so-protective mode). She sang along with the music on the radio. She wrote thank you notes and drank a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. She wore her high pony-tail and her chacos. She was determined to walk at least a mile on each of our walks. She was happy. She was herself. She was the Graysen I remember. The one that I know.

I told Graysen while we were walking that I am so happy and relieved I am seeing her being herself again.

For the past several months Graysen hasn't really been herself. She's been stressed. Worried. Afraid. Focused. And even though this girl has been full of faith while facing such a huge, daunting mountain to climb - she is just an eighteen-year girl. She can only be so strong.

And she was strong, but that doesn't mean her emotions weren't all over the place. Her way of coping was to turn to God and to pull in. She has always been the one to reach out to others, to write the sweet notes, to give the hugs, to hold our hands and pat our backs. She is thoughtful and kind and inclusive. She is a giver and always gives way more than she takes.

And not that she hasn't been those things, but I have seen a change. She didn't touch as much or leave notes as often. She spent more time in her room. In bed. Lying on her heating pad. She wasn't as talkative or as excited about things. The one exception to this new Graysen was when she declared "Summer in a Week" and started checking off her bucket list with passion. But still - there was a difference in her.

She was focused. She had her game face on. In the zone. Preparing herself to tackle this thing. Ready for a battle. An uphill one. She was getting herself zeroed in on all that she had to face and overcome over the next few months. She was dealing with her emotions and her fears and her anxiety and her pain.

She pulled in and she pulled away in a lot of ways. She told me that she felt like God had called her to depend on Him through this and not on others. He was enough. He would be the one to hold her hand and to get her through. And to heal her. He is who she turned to.

It was really something.

And He has blessed her for trusting Him in such a big way and so whole-heartedly. I could not begin to count how many people are praying for Graysen. All the family and friends and friends-of-friends who have prayed her through this. The love and support has been astounding really.

Again, more cards and gifts arrived in the mail today.

Graysen received a beautiful letter from a friend she went to high school with, who is now a student at Lipscomb University where she will attend this fall. This is a friend that she met while they both attended Maryville High, and she has rarely been in touch with him since he graduated over a year ago.

But this letter! To think that he would take the time to write to Graysen and mail it here to Texas and to give her such encouragement and support. It is very humbling.

His letter started out like this:

"Graysen, You are loved by the One true King! God is walking behind you, next to, in front of and through you, Graysen!"

This amazing opening to a letter was followed by three paragraphs of encouragement, support, and scripture.

The letter ended with this:

"You are in my prayers each day, as well as the prayers of 39 LU students and faculty that you will hopefully meet soon!"

The prayers. They are the true gift.

Let me just take this moment to say this. If you know me or my daughter or my family then you know that we are flawed. We have many faults and shortcomings. I think this blog has brought out the best in me, because I know that I am not always nice, humble, or grateful in person. In my heart I am all of those things, which is the part you know through this blog. But when the day-to-day frustrations, hurts, annoyances, and burdens are in my face, I don't always handle them with grace. I have a temper and I have strong opinions. I am grumpy and curt. I am tender-hearted and get my feelings hurt easily. I hold grudges and have trouble letting go of hurts. I am impatient and fearful. I have lots of fears and anxiety and hang-ups.

My children and my husband they have their shortcomings too. If you know them, then you probably know very well what they are.

But, just like Graysen's friend Addison told her - I am the daughter of the One True King - just like my daughters are.

And my husband and son- they are sons in that same Kingdom.

And that makes all the difference.

I say all of that to say this.

Graysen wrote something so precious in her journal a few days ago. Something that wasn't really meant for my eyes or for yours, but I read it anyway, and now I share it with you.

Her words June 5, 2014:

"Exactly one week after surgery. One of the most difficult weeks of my life. Emotionally, I was spent. Physically, I was useless. But spiritually, I was strong. I know I was surrounded by a family of believers that were sending up countless prayers on my behalf. I knew that back in Maryville, TN I had an army of prayer warriors that had my back too. And I know I was ready. God had prepared me for this battle. For the pain and exhaustion and frustration and dependence and weakness. I know that through HIM ALONE I am strong even when I am at my weakest. 2 Timothy 4:17 has been my anthem through this all. 'But the Lord stood with me and He gave me strength'. But it's the line after that I had never noticed, 'so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed; and all the Gentiles might hear it'. NOW that is my prayer. That though I am facing pain and weakness, God is with me and has made me brave and strong and courageous so that through me the message would be proclaimed.

I would go through this a million times if it meant one person found Christ through my journey. Or if one person renewed their relationship with the Lord of the Universe.

I pray that through me, You would be lifted higher. That through me (in some small way) I could further your Kingdom."

I share her heart and words with you.

If you don't know this One True King that we speak of, then our prayer is that you will seek Him and find Him. If you have, somewhere along the way, gotten away from Him, then our prayer is that you will renew your commitment to Him. He is truly the way, the truth, and the life.

My daughter knows that. I know that. And I hope you do, too.

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life".
John 8:12

Friday morning