Hi everybody! It's me, Graysen. Before I give you an update on my straight, new spine, I would like to make some apologies:
1. I am so very sorry that it has taken this long to update you all on my progress since I returned home from Austin. I have had some sweet family friends inform me that they have been anxiously awaiting the next blog post for the past several weeks. Thank you for your patience and understanding, but I am sorry for leaving you un-updated for so long.
2. My apologies to everyone reading -and also a disclaimer for this post as a whole- I am not nearly as gifted a writer as my wonderful Momma. She was blessed with the ability to write beautifully and with excellent grammar. I will do my best and write every word from my heart, but there are no guarantees that this post will live up to the high standard that my mother has set for this blog. She rocks..a lot. Now that we have covered those two items, I am so excited to update you!
The past five weeks since I have returned to sweet, little Maryville, Tennessee have been filled with good days and bad days and lots of in-between.
Let's go back to where we left off and move forward, I have had many people ask me about the flight home, and to be perfectly honest, I was absolutely dreading it (not the coming home part, but the actual flight part.) However, God is so good and he truly blessed our journey home. As a girl who cringed as a spike of pain ran up my back at even the slightest dip or bump in the road during a car ride through Austin only a few short weeks ago, its fair to say I was not looking forward to the turbulence and rough landings that flights usually include.
I was also worried that I would light up the security monitors like a Christmas tree thanks to my new spinal accessories (steel rods and screws) which McSwaggy informed me I had a 1 in 4 chance of doing. But like I said, God is good.
Our flight had almost no turbulence, we had smooth landings, and I went through security with no issues. We only ran into one issue while flying home: delays. It happened to be storming in Atlanta, which is where we were connecting though to get home, so both of our flights were delayed. This caused our five hour travel time to stretch out to around eight or so hours..which, for the record, feels a lot longer when you are in pain if you sit in the same position for too long and still require pain medicine every few hours.
But our flights were safe and smooth and I was so sweetly greeted at McGhee-Tyson Airport by friends and family and flowers and posters and hugs and love.
1. I am so very sorry that it has taken this long to update you all on my progress since I returned home from Austin. I have had some sweet family friends inform me that they have been anxiously awaiting the next blog post for the past several weeks. Thank you for your patience and understanding, but I am sorry for leaving you un-updated for so long.
2. My apologies to everyone reading -and also a disclaimer for this post as a whole- I am not nearly as gifted a writer as my wonderful Momma. She was blessed with the ability to write beautifully and with excellent grammar. I will do my best and write every word from my heart, but there are no guarantees that this post will live up to the high standard that my mother has set for this blog. She rocks..a lot. Now that we have covered those two items, I am so excited to update you!
The past five weeks since I have returned to sweet, little Maryville, Tennessee have been filled with good days and bad days and lots of in-between.
Let's go back to where we left off and move forward, I have had many people ask me about the flight home, and to be perfectly honest, I was absolutely dreading it (not the coming home part, but the actual flight part.) However, God is so good and he truly blessed our journey home. As a girl who cringed as a spike of pain ran up my back at even the slightest dip or bump in the road during a car ride through Austin only a few short weeks ago, its fair to say I was not looking forward to the turbulence and rough landings that flights usually include.
I was also worried that I would light up the security monitors like a Christmas tree thanks to my new spinal accessories (steel rods and screws) which McSwaggy informed me I had a 1 in 4 chance of doing. But like I said, God is good.
Our flight had almost no turbulence, we had smooth landings, and I went through security with no issues. We only ran into one issue while flying home: delays. It happened to be storming in Atlanta, which is where we were connecting though to get home, so both of our flights were delayed. This caused our five hour travel time to stretch out to around eight or so hours..which, for the record, feels a lot longer when you are in pain if you sit in the same position for too long and still require pain medicine every few hours.
But our flights were safe and smooth and I was so sweetly greeted at McGhee-Tyson Airport by friends and family and flowers and posters and hugs and love.
What we didn't realize was that the flight back home was only the first step on a whole new journey of my recovery.
Since my return home, there have been plenty of ups and downs. It was time for a new "normal".
Some quick facts:
1. Our Austin home was one floor with a measly half step down into the laundry room area as its most strenuous feature
2. My room at home happens to be on the third floor of our house
3. My bed is about the most cloud-like surface in the world, and I like it that way
4. My parent's bedroom is the only one on the ground floor of my home
5. My parents bed is about the most rock-like surface in the world.
The first few days at home were a time when all of these facts collided. I was not allowed to climb the stairs to my heavenly mattress and slept uncomfortably in my parents bed for a while, this was adjustment number one. After a few nights of the firm mattress, I decided to take my chances with the stairs against my mother’s will, but let the record show that I had no stair-related accidents during this transitional period.
As you can see, I felt strongly about the mattress situation, and the move upstairs became my first big accomplishment since my return.
I won't bore you with the details of every obstacle that I have overcome the past few weeks, but to recap a few, I can now climb the stairs with ease, ride in a car without pain, walk over two miles at the speed of an in-shape mall walker, do a decent squat, dance my heart out (within reason), and carry items weighing a hefty 10 pounds and under.
My favorite part of being back home in Maryville was being surrounded by my people again. This month has been filled with long coffee dates, craft nights, Saturday mornings at the farmer’s market, fun girl’s nights in Market Square, The Bachelorette and Pretty Little Liars watching get-togethers, deep conversations on evening walks, lots of Phase 10 games, day trips to Atlanta, CAK football scrimmages, dorm room shopping, laying out on sunny afternoons (keeping my scar completely covered, of course), Colton’s sweet 16, square dances, visits from old friends and new friends, gluten-free baking with my wonderful sister, trips to the Nail Bar with my Momma, and a lot of Marvel super hero movies.
I am so thankful for this month back home and the people that make it worth while. My month back home has been filled with lots of little victories in preparation for my move to Lipscomb in just a few short days (I move into school this Saturday, to be specific).
As I pack up my dorm things, overflow suitcases with clothes, and fill my rolling backpack with school supplies, I am reminded of just how far I have come in two months. I am so excited to see what adventures Nashville and my life as a Lipscomb student will bring.
As many of you know, my campaigner's group has had a huge impact on my life the past four years. My leaders, Lindsay Mizell and Sara Stokes, have taught me so much about God and love and faith and life and grace. I have learned a million things from Lindsay and Sara during my years in their group, but one of the lessons that stuck with me the most was about Ebenezers.
For those of you who have never heard of them-neither had I before Sara and Lindsay- "ebenezer" is a term used several times throughout the Bible.
An ebenezer was a stack of rocks that someone would make whenever God did something amazing that made the person or group of people step back and think, "wow, God is good.”
Historically, they were used as symbols and reminders of God’s faithfulness, and whenever someone would ask about the giant pile of rocks, they would tell the story about the time when God was faithful. Ebenezers. They are memorials of His faithfulness to mark the moments when we feel him so closely.
The moments when the gap between heaven and earth feels like it is merely an inch.
Sara and Lindsay explained to our group that we all have “ebenezers” in our lives. We have moments when God is so good. We have moments when we are reminded of his faithfulness and truth. Lindsay took hers a step further. As some of you may know, Linds has a small tattoo on her left wrist. It is three small lines. These lines, although seemingly ordinary, each represent a time in her life that God was incredibly, unforgettably, stunningly faithful. Her ebenezers.
I realized that my first big ebenezer was my surgery.
God has shown me more through this journey than I ever imagined possible. He has used this undesirable experience to take me “deeper than my feet could ever wander.” He made me strong, when I know I am nothing but weak; He made me brave, when I know I am nothing but afraid. He met me exactly where I was and walked with me. upholding me. guiding me. strengthening me. loving me.
He was faithful and near and good.
Instead of lines on my wrist like my dear friend Lindsay, I wear the mark of my ebenezer on my back in the form of a ten-inch vertical spinal incision scar.
A scar that I thought I would despise when I was first told that I needed the surgery. But no. God had other plans; He has made me love my scar because it reminds me of his faithfulness.
It is a perfectly obvious example of how good He really is. Its a reminder of pain and helplessness that was turned into joy and healing. When everything should feel like its crumbling, He is enough.
He has mended my broken and twisted heart (and continues to do so again and again each day). He has made me dependent on Him. I faced something that I never would have asked for. Something that I dreaded and feared.
But He completely changed my heart.
I am SO glad that I had to have spinal fusion surgery on May 29, 2014 to correct my 46 degree thoracic-lumbar curve, because through all of this, I have seen Him so clearly, loved Him more deeply than I ever thought possible.
I am thankful for my scar, but even more thankful for the story that it tells.
For the desperate prayers, when I was consumed by pain and weakness. For morning coffee beside an overly sticky-noted red Bible that revealed more of Him to me each day. For my wonderful people who stuck by me even when I was at my worst. For His little blessings in each day.
I’ve learned a thing or two about scars throughout this journey.
Sometimes in life we get hurt. We get knocked down.
But God is good. He redeems us. He is faithful through the pain. He stitches us up. He pieces together our brokenness.
He heals.
But sometimes wounds leave scars behind. Reminders that something was once wrong, but now its better, but will never be quite the same.
That’s my story.
Christ saves me again everyday.
He mends my brokenness over and over again.
He takes my crooked heart and calls me “His.” He made me and carries me; He sustains me and rescues me (Isaiah 46).
Life leaves scars, but they tell stories.
Mine tells a story of redemption, hope, and faithfulness.
My God is good.
My God is so much bigger than stupid curvy backs or fears or pain. And for that, I will wear my scar proudly, because it’s part of me, my story and my faith now.
Thank you to everyone who has been following my story. Thank you for the sweet letters, gorgeous flowers, thoughtful get well gifts, and delicious meals.
Most importantly, thank you to all of my prayer warriors out there. I can honestly say that I couldn't have made it though this without all of the prayers on my behalf.
I am so beyond blessed to have had such an amazing support group throughout my journey.
God bless.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness”
2 Corinthians 12:9
