Scars

Hi everybody! It's me, Graysen. Before I give you an update on my straight, new spine, I would like to make some apologies:
 1. I am so very sorry that it has taken this long to update you all on my progress since I returned home from Austin. I have had some sweet family friends inform me that they have been anxiously awaiting the next blog post for the past several weeks.  Thank you for your patience and understanding, but I am sorry for leaving you un-updated for so long. 

 2. My apologies to everyone reading -and also a disclaimer for this post as a whole- I am not nearly as gifted a writer as my wonderful Momma.  She was blessed with the ability to write beautifully and with excellent grammar.  I will do my best and write every word from my heart, but there are no guarantees that this post will live up to the high standard that my mother has set for this blog.  She rocks..a lot. Now that we have covered those two items, I am so excited to update you! 


The past five weeks since I have returned to sweet, little Maryville, Tennessee have been filled with good days and bad days and lots of in-between. 
 Let's go back to where we left off and move forward, I have had many people ask me about the flight home, and to be perfectly honest, I was absolutely dreading it (not the coming home part, but the actual flight part.) However, God is so good and he truly blessed our journey home.  As a girl who cringed as a spike of pain ran up my back at even the slightest dip or bump in the road during a car ride through Austin only a few short weeks ago, its fair to say I was not looking forward to the turbulence and rough landings that flights usually include.  
I was also worried that I would light up the security monitors like a Christmas tree thanks to my new spinal accessories (steel rods and screws) which McSwaggy informed me I had a 1 in 4 chance of doing. But like I said, God is good. 
 Our flight had almost no turbulence, we had smooth landings, and I went through security with no issues.  We only ran into one issue while flying home: delays.  It happened to be storming in Atlanta, which is where we were connecting though to get home, so both of our flights were delayed.  This caused our five hour travel time to stretch out to around eight or so hours..which, for the record, feels a lot longer when you are in pain if you sit in the same position for too long and still require pain medicine every few hours.  
But our flights were safe and smooth and I was so sweetly greeted at McGhee-Tyson Airport by friends and family and flowers and posters and hugs and love.  

What we didn't realize was that the flight back home was only the first step on a whole new journey of my recovery. 
Since my return home, there have been plenty of ups and downs.  It was time for a new "normal". 

 Some quick facts: 
1. Our Austin home was one floor with a measly half step down into the laundry room area as its most strenuous feature  
2. My room at home happens to be on the third floor of our house 
3. My bed is about the most cloud-like surface in the world, and I like it that way 
4. My parent's  bedroom is the only one on the ground floor of my home 
5. My parents bed is about the most rock-like surface in the world.

 The first few days at home were a time when all of these facts collided.  I was not allowed to climb the stairs to my heavenly mattress and slept uncomfortably in my parents bed for a while, this was adjustment number one.  After a few nights of the firm mattress, I decided to take my chances with the stairs against my mother’s will, but let the record show that I had no stair-related accidents during this transitional period.  
As you can see, I felt strongly about the mattress situation, and the move upstairs became my first big accomplishment since my return.

I won't bore you with the details of every obstacle that I have overcome the past few weeks, but to recap a few, I can now climb the stairs with ease, ride in a car without pain, walk over two miles at the speed of an in-shape mall walker, do a decent squat, dance my heart out (within reason), and carry items weighing a hefty 10 pounds and under. 

My favorite part of being back home in Maryville was being surrounded by my people again.  This month has been filled with long coffee dates, craft nights, Saturday mornings at the farmer’s market, fun girl’s nights in Market Square, The Bachelorette and Pretty Little Liars watching get-togethers, deep conversations on evening walks, lots of Phase 10 games, day trips to Atlanta, CAK football scrimmages, dorm room shopping, laying out on sunny afternoons (keeping my scar completely covered, of course), Colton’s sweet 16, square dances, visits from old friends and new friends, gluten-free baking with my wonderful sister, trips to the Nail Bar with my Momma, and a lot of Marvel super hero movies.

 I am so thankful for this month back home and the people that make it worth while. My month back home has been filled with lots of little victories in preparation for my move to Lipscomb in just a few short days (I move into school this Saturday, to be specific).  
As I pack up my dorm things, overflow suitcases with clothes, and fill my rolling backpack with school supplies, I am reminded of just how far I have come in two months. I am so excited to see what adventures Nashville and my life as a Lipscomb student will bring. 

                                    

As many of you know, my campaigner's group has had a huge impact on my life the past four years.  My leaders, Lindsay Mizell and Sara Stokes, have taught me so much about God and love and faith and life and grace. I have learned a million things from Lindsay and Sara during my years in their group, but one of the lessons that stuck with me the most was about Ebenezers.  

For those of you who have never heard of them-neither had I before Sara and Lindsay- "ebenezer" is a term used several times throughout the Bible. 

An ebenezer was a stack of rocks that someone would make whenever God did something amazing that made the person or group of people step back and think, "wow, God is good.”  
Historically, they were used as symbols and reminders of God’s faithfulness, and whenever someone would ask about the giant pile of rocks, they would tell the story about the time when God was faithful. Ebenezers. They are memorials of His faithfulness to mark the moments when we feel him so closely. 

 The moments when the gap between heaven and earth feels like it is merely an inch.


Sara and Lindsay explained to our group that we all have “ebenezers” in our lives. We have moments when God is so good. We have moments when we are reminded of his faithfulness and truth.  Lindsay took hers a step further. As some of you may know, Linds has a small tattoo on her left wrist. It is three small lines.  These lines, although seemingly ordinary, each represent a time in her life that God was incredibly, unforgettably, stunningly faithful.  Her ebenezers.


I realized that my first big ebenezer was my surgery. 

 God has shown me more through this journey than I ever imagined possible.  He has used this undesirable experience to take me “deeper than my feet could ever wander.”  He made me strong, when I know I am nothing but weak; He made me brave, when I know I am nothing but afraid.  He met me exactly where I was and walked with me. upholding me. guiding me. strengthening me. loving me. 

He was faithful and near and good.


Instead of lines on my wrist like my dear friend Lindsay, I wear the mark of my ebenezer on my back in the form of a ten-inch vertical spinal incision scar.

 A scar that I thought I would despise when I was first told that I needed the surgery. But no. God had other plans; He has made me love my scar because it reminds me of his faithfulness.
 It is a perfectly obvious example of how good He really is.  Its a reminder of pain and helplessness that was turned into joy and healing. When everything should feel like its crumbling, He is enough. 
He has mended my broken and twisted heart (and continues to do so again and again each day).  He has made me dependent on Him. I faced something that I never would have asked for.  Something that I dreaded and feared.

 But He completely changed my heart.  

I am SO glad that I had to have spinal fusion surgery on May 29, 2014 to correct my 46 degree thoracic-lumbar curve, because through all of this, I have seen Him so clearly, loved Him more deeply than I ever thought possible.  

I am thankful for my scar, but even more thankful for the story that it tells. 

For the desperate prayers, when I was consumed by pain and weakness. For morning coffee beside an overly sticky-noted red Bible that revealed more of Him to me each day.  For my wonderful people who stuck by me even when I was at my worst. For His little blessings in each day. 

I’ve learned a thing or two about scars throughout this journey.  
Sometimes in life we get hurt. We get knocked down. 
But God is good.  He redeems us.  He is faithful through the pain.  He stitches us up. He pieces together our brokenness. 
 He heals.  

But sometimes wounds leave scars behind.  Reminders that something was once wrong, but now its better, but will never be quite the same. 

That’s my story. 

 Christ saves me again everyday. 

 He mends my brokenness over and over again.  
He takes my crooked heart and calls me “His.” He made me and carries me; He sustains me and rescues me (Isaiah 46). 
 Life leaves scars, but they tell stories. 
 Mine tells a story of redemption, hope, and faithfulness. 
 My God is good. 
My God is so much bigger than stupid curvy backs or fears or pain.  And for that, I will wear my scar proudly, because it’s part of me, my story and my faith now. 




Thank you to everyone who has been following my story.  Thank you for the sweet letters,  gorgeous flowers, thoughtful get well gifts, and delicious meals. 
Most importantly, thank you to all of my prayer warriors out there.  I can honestly say that I couldn't have made it though this without all of the prayers on my behalf.  
 I am so beyond blessed to have had such an amazing support group throughout my journey.  


God bless.




“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness”
                                                                                                     2 Corinthians 12:9

Words....and a Surprise!

Hi again:)  Sorry it's been so long.  Almost six weeks or so.  Busy weeks.

While we were in Texas I had a single focus.  One responsibility.  Graysen.

She was it for me.  She was what I thought about pretty much every minute of every day - getting her through all that she had to go through was my one and only goal. 

Coming home was a different story.  We have a full, busy life here and I no longer had the luxury of being single-minded anymore.  Graysen's recovery was off to a good start, but far from over.  We had some pretty good days and some really rough ones.  Sickness just wouldn't leave her alone and it took a while to get that ship turned in the right direction. In addition, I have two other children who needed some Momma attention, a husband, a household, friends, family, and two very spoiled dogs. 

I couldn't quite find the time for writing.  Or the energy.  Or the inspiration.  My tank was running on low.

Colton just had a birthday and his grandmother sent him some "word" books.  100 Words Every High School Graduate Should Know.  100 Words to Make You Sound Smart.  I've had a good time "quizzing" the kids to see how many of the words the kids actually know!  As I looked over the lists, it really made me start to think about words.

It is often said that words are power.  They matter.  They have impact.  They can comfort, discipline, encourage, discourage, cause excitement or disappoint. There are words of love, hate, and everything in-between.  They can give insight and understanding.  They are the way we reveal our hearts and explain our thoughts.  Words really are important.

Writing out my words for Graysen's Backstory was important.

It was important for me because it helped me to process all that I was feeling and thinking.  It was important for you because it kept you updated and informed.  It was important for Graysen because she will have it to look back on someday and read details about days that she can't remember. 

But most of all, it was important because it created a team of prayer warriors that carried us all through this journey every step of the way.  Words spoken in prayer, for my child, for our family, and for healing, for recovery, and for restoration.  Beautiful words.

Words that were answered overly and abundantly.

For that I will always and forever be humbled and grateful.

And now let me share with you some words that sit in my heart and dwell in my mind.

Thankful.

I am so thankful that Graysen is where she is today.  Surgery is behind her.  It's done and it was hugely successful.  She no longer lives with chronic, daily pain.  She has a straight back and is getting better everyday.  

Relief.

There's an old saying that "the dreading is worse than the doing", and although the doing was really, really difficult in this case - I am so glad to have the dreading behind us.  The worry, the fear, the anxiety, the "what-ifs", the terrible sickness and sleepless nights, the exhaustion, the pain - that awful pain.   Those are in the past.     She did it.

Strength.

Graysen went into this strong and she will finish stronger than ever.  She's the strongest person I know.

Grace.

"Unmerited gift of God".  The root word of Graysen's name.  And boy, does she live it.  Always thinking of others, kind and gracious to everyone who cared for her, sad and frustrated that she needed help - instead of being the one to help.  Thanking constantly.  Seeking God at every turn.  Growing in her faith.  Living out her testimony as she walked this journey.  

Love.

Love is tested through trial.  We have felt the love of the Father, the love of our precious family who we can ALWAYS count on, the best friends in the whole world, and all this incredible blog love, which we never even imagined!  We have felt loved and supported every step of the way.

Excitement.

Graysen is getting ready to start a whole new chapter in her life.  We take her to college this Saturday.  (So, if you see me and I randomly break down in tears, or I'm eating a large amount of chocolate - you'll know why.)   Graysen is SO excited and, although I will miss her every single day, we are excited for her.  She goes with her new straight, steel-enforced back to take on a whole new set of challenges and experiences!  Superman is called the man-of-steel, so I refer to Graysen as Supergirl - the girl of steel.  She's strong and ready.  

And she really is Super;)

Okay, now that I am finished bragging about my girl (thank you for indulging me on that), I have a big surprise for you.  

Stay tuned for the upcoming blog post.

It's from Graysen.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.  Amen."

                                                                                                            Ephesians 3:14-21

All is Said and Done

We have been spent the last two days just finishing up things here in Austin.

Patty has been here "batting clean up", as she refers to it.  She's here helping us to finish the final leg of this race.  We've needed to run a few last minute errands, we've been cleaning out the fridge and the pantry, straightening the house, packing, and just helping Graysen prepare to go home.

Graysen has continued to struggle with fatigue and with sickness.  The eating is not quite on track yet and she is still battling head and tummy aches.  It's just gonna take a while for it all to come together.

And we knew that.

We have continued our walking regimen when Graysen felt well enough - just like the good doctor ordered.  The walking actually helps Graysen to feel a little better, as well as making her stronger.  I think just the moving around and getting out in the fresh air is really good for her.  It seems to help her physically, as well as to boost her spirits when she's tired or feeling ill.

You guys continue to be the best support system in the world.  Since the day of surgery, not one day has passed that Graysen has not received something from one of you.  Even yesterday, she received a fruit bouquet!  It has been amazing.  Truly.  We can never thank you enough or repay the gratitude we feel for loving us so well through every single step of this journey.  You have blessed us beyond words.

Today we had a sweet surprise when our friend, Jodi Canfield and her aunt stopped in to visit!  Jodi is spending the summer in Austin and we were so excited to get to see her here:)

So, tomorrow is the big day.

It's almost hard to believe that we get to come home tomorrow and see our people!  We are so ready and excited.

This has been a journey we will never forget.  That I promise you.  I feel like I have lived a year in the last four weeks.

It has been everything.  Detailed. Complicated. Overwhelming. Hard. Scary. Emotional. Painful. Sad. Demanding. Exhausting. Successful. Good. Exciting. Blessed.

I think I have felt every emotion that you can possibly feel.  And I have felt them in big ways.   And Graysen certainly has too.

Graysen has done this.  She did everything she knew how to prepare herself for this.  She has pushed herself and has worked hard.  She has struggled and some days have really been terrible.  But some days have been really good.  And she is moving in the right direction.  She has made it through the worst part of the pain and now she has to be patient and wait for healing.

Waiting.  Patience.  Healing.

All good things.  Maybe hard.  Maybe frustrating.  Maybe not so exciting.  But good.  And necessary.


So, this is it - it's all said and done here.  It's time to go home and for Graysen to continue to get better one day at a time.

We are ready!

See you soon:)


"For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.  How precious are your thoughts, God!  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand - when I awake, I am still with you."
Psam 139: 13-18


"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish it's work so that you amy be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1: 2-4

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you."
Philippians 1:3




Fruit Bouquet:)

Graysen and Patty

Patty and I take our job of protecting Graysen very seriously!  Crossing the street can be very dangerous....

Our last night in Austin.  Despite the circumstances, I have treasured having time with my sweet Graysen:)

Graysen has been a little busy the last few weeks.  She discovered our cute little backyard for the first time tonight!

Bye-bye, Austin!  It's been real.

Patty interviews Graysen

Thank you, again, for being such an important and wonderful part of our journey.  You have blessed us again and again.  We will continue to keep you updated as Graysen's BackStory continues.  Our love to you all:)

P.S.  Lots of people have asked us specific questions about Spinal Fusion surgery, what that entails, the hardware used, etc.  I took these photos of a model at Dr. Geck's office, showing an example of the hardware used for this surgery.  The photos show what would be a two-level correction - two vertebrae being involved.  Graysen's surgery ended up being a five-level correction.  Looking back at her "after" x-ray, you can see that she has five screws on each side, holding the two steel rods.  I hope this helps with understanding the actual surgical aspect of this experience.  

It's all Good:)

I'm a check-lister.  I make lists for everything.  I write them on pieces of paper at my house, in my car, and for the other people I live with.  I make lists on my phone to carry with me.  Everything is a list for me.  Groceries.  Target.  Projects.  People to call.  Appointments to make.  Christmas lists.  Things to do this week.  Things to do today.  Things that need repaired or replaced.  Things to remember to ask Tim about.  Everything is put somewhere on a list.  I say it's because I have a terrible memory - and that is true.  My family might say it's because I am OCD and uptight - and you should just ignore them.  But, I do live by my lists.

This surgery.  Talk about a list.  It had it's own category - with sublists.  So much went into this.  The appointments, the decisions, the planning, the details.  It was a biggie.  Huge, in fact.  And I feel like it took a village to make it happen.

It's hard to believe that we are here. We are getting very, very close to the finish line.  The end of this journey here in Austin.  Only a few days left and we get to come home.

After all that went into this - all the lists and all the checking things off,  it's hard to imagine that we are almost at the end.

Today we went to see Dr. Geck for Graysen's three-week follow up appointment.  We were so excited to see McSwaggy, to find out the final results of the surgery, and to get "released" to go home!

It was all good news.

The incision looks great.  The x-ray looks great.  Graysen's surgery and recovery couldn't have had better results.

New x-rays were taken today and we found out that Graysen's curve went from forty-six degrees to six degrees.  That's a forty degree improvement!

A six degree curve.  Less than ten.  Barely even more than five.  Six.

Have I mentioned that Dr. Geck is kinda awesome at what he does...

It's better than we ever expected.  It's far better than we expected when Graysen chose to stop at L3.
It's incredible.  It's such an answer to prayer.

The prayers.  I will say it again - the prayers made all the difference.  And I will say it again - thank you.

Graysen continues to get a little better each day.  She's walking better, moving better, and even eating.  She's looking forward to finishing things here and heading home.  She's looking forward to seeing all the people who have loved her so well through this journey.

Our wonderful friend, Patty, comes tomorrow to help us wrap up everything in Austin and to help me get Graysen back home.

It's all good:)



P.S. Graysen is a check-lister too!

McSwaggy

Six Degrees

Happy Girl!

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."

Ephesians 3:20-21

This is what love is

Saturday night.  Girls night out.  So much fun!

I got a text from my friend, Leanne Morgan, Friday morning letting me know that she was in Austin and that she had shows on Friday and Saturday nights.  She wanted to check on Graysen and offered tickets for us to see her show.  We were thrilled!  If you don't know who Leanne is, you are missing out.  She is a comedian and is just hilarious.

So, off we went to Cap City to see Leanne.  In our minivan.  With Graysen's pillows in tow.

Leanne did not disappoint, she had us cracking up the whole time.  They say laughter is the perfect medicine for many ailments.  It was the perfect medicine for my recovering girl.  Thank you, Leanne!

Sunday morning brought a changing of the guards.

We said good-bye to our dear Katelyn.  I forgot to mention that Saturday afternoon she made her yummy sugar scrub and essential oil lotion for us and left them as gifts for us!  Ahhhhh...

We said our good-byes to Kate and right behind her came a whole new crew!

Christina, Maggie, Lindsay, and Sara flew down to spend four days with us.  Graysen was thrilled, to say the least.  These are four of the nearest, dearest, most cherished people in Graysen's life.  They have lived life deeply together.  Laughed together.  Cried together.  Studied together.  Prayed together.

Graysen, Maggie, Christina.  GMC.  That's what we've called them for as long as can remember knowing them.

They are true friends.  They are the "drop everything, one of us is crying, so the other two immediately show up" kinda friends.   They are the "can't stop laughing over some stupid inside joke" kinda friends.  They are the "look across the room and know exactly what you're thinking" kinda friends.  They are the "sing every word at the top of our voices and including hand motions" to High School Musical kinda friends.  Yes, even now.  Yes, I am serious.

They are the "fly down to Texas because our best friend had back surgery and needs us" kinda friends.

The first day they got here we had some funny moments.  They weren't supposed to be funny.  But, they were.

When they finally got to the house and got settled, it was time for Graysen's first walk of the day.

So, off we went.

We asked Lindsay if she didn't want to leave her blazer off.  It is Texas.  And summer.  It's pretty hot here.

She told us no, that she would be fine.  Okay.

So, we started walking.  Down the street to the stop sign. You remember?  Turn the corner, up the street, around the cul-de-sac, on up to the school, past the school to the intersection.

Okay, this is about the time that Lindsay realizes that Graysen has advanced past walking to the stop sign.  She decides that the blazer wasn't such a good idea, nor were her sandals.  She told us she was totally misinformed about the nature of this walk.  We did feel bad for her, but it was hard not to chuckle a little.

Well, we got to the point where we normally turn around and I had the (not so) brilliant idea that if we just went to the next corner and turned left it would make a square and we would be right back home.

And that was true, but it was much further than I thought.  Emphasis on much.

I felt like the worst person ever by the time we FINALLY got back home.  It was way too much walking for Graysen.  And it was way too hot for all of us.

So, we counted that as the walking for the whole day.  We were done.

The last two days have been just fun.  We have cooked, watched TV, shopped a little, eaten at Kerbey Lane (of course!), laughed, and just talked, and talked, and talked.

Graysen continues to receive sweet notes and cards every day.  We have decorated the mirror in her bedroom with the cards, letters, and drawings she has gotten.

Graysen continues to get better each day.  She is sleeping better, moving better, staying awake and interacting more and is a eating just a little bit too.


Graysen wears a t-shirt frequently that says, "Love is a Verb."  Isn't that the truth.


Letters, cards, gifts, food, texts, messages on Facebook, a thoughtful comedian, family and friends who fly half-way across the country.


This is what love is.






Making lotion and sugar scrub

Going to the show!

Bringing the pillows

Love letters:)

GMC

Kerbey Lane!

 THE WALK

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

1 Cornithians 13:13

A Walk to Remember

I have so many good things to share with you!

These past two days have been filled with so many good things and only one bad thing.

The turn around.  Crossing the bridge.  The flip side.

Whatever term you want to use, which means change, progress, moving forward.  Looking ahead and not looking back.  That's where we are.  That's where you can find us today.

It's a happy day.  And I am so beyond happy to say that.  I have been looking forward to days like today.  There were days when I couldn't see them - couldn't imagine we would get here, especially this quickly.

But, then this is Graysen we are talking about.

I am so excited to see Graysen doing so well and making so much progress that I can hardly stand myself.  I have so much going through my head to tell you that I can't wait to get the words written down.

Yesterday was good.  Katelyn brought with her a boost for Graysen.  She is someone whom Graysen is very comfortable around.  These two, although seven years apart in age and living four hours away, have grown up together.  We have spent many, many vacations with her family and love hanging out just catching up.  We spent hours yesterday looking through Kate's wedding pictures - reminiscing about every little moment of that week.

Then...we took our first mile-long walk!  Can you believe it?!  Graysen walked an entire mile and did great! We were so excited for her and had planned to walk again in the evening.

Okay, the evening.  That was a different story.

We decided to go out for sushi.  Graysen decided she up for a short "outing", and so off we headed to the sushi place McSwaggy said was his favorite.

It was about five an a half miles away.  Car rides are the worst for Graysen.  She feels every little bump in the road.  Stop and go is hard.  Even packed into the car with pillows, it's difficult at best.  But five and a half miles? She felt like she could handle it.

Well, those five and a half miles equalled to a thity-five minute car ride.  At rush-hour.  Downtown Austin.  I lost count of how many cars honked at me because I was apparently driving entirely too slowly to keep them happy.   Well!   How rude!!!    First of all, I hate honking.  It's one of my pet peeves - just ask Tim - he thinks it's quite amusing how irritated I get with people who honk.

Just for the record, you should only honk if someone is in danger.  That is my opinion.  So, there you have it.

Anyway, we FINALLY got to the sushi place.  It was packed.  Ugh.  We were told it was an hour and forty-five minute wait.  Big ugh.

Graysen looked miserable at this point.  So, we turned around and drove the thirty-five minutes home.  All the while being honked at.  Again.  Kate and I decided that we were really dumb not to have realized that it was Friday night at 6:30.  In our defense, it's easy to lose track of what day of the week it is when you're in one of these situations....

We decided to refer to that whole experience as our Friday the 13th horrible, terrible car ride.

We ate frozen pizza for dinner.



But today!!! Today has been all good!!!  Nothing but good!!!

Graysen slept until noon.  That's good.  She needs sleep to heal.

She got up and ate a bowl of rice chex and some apple slices.  That's so good.  She needs to eat to heal.

We went for our first walk of the day.  We walked 1.1 miles!  That's really good.  She needs to walk to heal.

This afternoon we lounged around, reading, dorm shopping online, playing games.  It was good.  She needs to relax to heal.

In the late afternoon, we went for our second walk.  I called it a walk to remember because today I started seeing the Graysen I remember.  The Graysen I know.  My sweet girl is starting to be herself again.

She came up behind me in the kitchen and wrapped her arms around me.  Something she used to do often, but hasn't in a while.  She reached for my hand while we were walking.  (It's usually Momma Bear reaching for her hand in the ever-so-protective mode).  She sang along with the music on the radio.  She wrote thank you notes and drank a caramel macchiato from Starbucks.  She wore her high pony-tail and her chacos.  She was determined to walk at least a mile on each of our walks.  She was happy.  She was herself.  She was the Graysen I remember.  The one that I know.

I told Graysen while we were walking that I am so happy and relieved I am seeing her being herself again.

For the past several months Graysen hasn't really been herself.  She's been stressed. Worried.  Afraid. Focused.  And even though this girl has been full of faith while facing such a huge, daunting mountain to climb - she is just an eighteen-year girl.  She can only be so strong.

And she was strong, but that doesn't mean her emotions weren't all over the place.  Her way of coping was to turn to God and to pull in.  She has always been the one to reach out to others, to write the sweet notes, to give the hugs, to hold our hands and pat our backs.  She is thoughtful and kind and inclusive.  She is a giver and always gives way more than she takes.

And not that she hasn't been those things, but I have seen a change.  She didn't touch as much or leave notes as often.  She spent more time in her room.  In bed.  Lying on her heating pad.  She wasn't as talkative or as excited about things.  The one exception to this new Graysen was when she declared "Summer in a Week" and started checking off her bucket list with passion.  But still - there was a difference in her.

She was focused.  She had her game face on.  In the zone.  Preparing herself to tackle this thing.  Ready for a battle.  An uphill one.  She was getting herself zeroed in on all that she had to face and overcome over the next few months.  She was dealing with her emotions and her fears and her anxiety and her pain.

She pulled in and she pulled away in a lot of ways.  She told me that she felt like God had called her to depend on Him through this and not on others.  He was enough.  He would be the one to hold her hand and to get her through.  And to heal her.  He is who she turned to.

It was really something.

And He has blessed her for trusting Him in such a big way and so whole-heartedly.  I could not begin to count how many people are praying for Graysen.  All the family and friends and friends-of-friends who have prayed her through this.  The love and support has been astounding really.

Again, more cards and gifts arrived in the mail today.

Graysen received a beautiful letter from a friend she went to high school with, who is now a student at Lipscomb University where she will attend this fall.  This is a friend that she met while they both attended Maryville High, and she has rarely been in touch with him since he graduated over a year ago.

But this letter!  To think that he would take the time to write to Graysen and mail it here to Texas and to give her such encouragement and support.  It is very humbling.

His letter started out like this:

"Graysen, You are loved by the One true King! God is walking behind you, next to, in front of and through you, Graysen!"

This amazing opening to a letter was followed by three paragraphs of encouragement, support, and scripture.

The letter ended with this:

"You are in my prayers each day, as well as the prayers of 39 LU students and faculty that you will hopefully meet soon!"

The prayers.  They are the true gift.

Let me just take this moment to say this.  If you know me or my daughter or my family then you know that we are flawed.  We have many faults and shortcomings.  I think this blog has brought out the best in me, because I know that I am not always nice, humble, or grateful in person.  In my heart I am all of those things, which is the part you know through this blog.  But when the day-to-day frustrations, hurts,  annoyances, and burdens are in my face, I don't always handle them with grace.  I have a temper and I have strong opinions.  I am grumpy and curt.  I am tender-hearted and get my feelings hurt easily.  I hold grudges and have trouble letting go of hurts.  I am impatient and fearful.  I have lots of fears and anxiety and hang-ups.

My children and my husband they have their shortcomings too.  If you know them, then you probably know very well what they are.

But, just like Graysen's friend Addison told her - I am the daughter of the One True King - just like my daughters are.

And my husband and son- they are sons in that same Kingdom.

And that makes all the difference.

I say all of that to say this.

Graysen wrote something so precious in her journal a few days ago.  Something that wasn't really meant for my eyes or for yours, but I read it anyway, and now I share it with you.

Her words June 5, 2014:

"Exactly one week after surgery.  One of the most difficult weeks of my life.  Emotionally, I was spent.  Physically, I was useless.  But spiritually, I was strong.  I know I was surrounded by a family of believers that were sending up countless prayers on my behalf.  I knew that back in Maryville, TN I had an army of prayer warriors that had my back too.  And I know I was ready.  God had prepared me for this battle.  For the pain and exhaustion and frustration and dependence and weakness.  I know that through HIM ALONE I am strong even when I am at my weakest.  2 Timothy 4:17 has been my anthem through this all.  'But the Lord stood with me and He gave me strength'.  But it's the line after that I had never noticed, 'so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed; and all the Gentiles might hear it'.  NOW that is my prayer.  That though I am facing pain and weakness, God is with me and has made me brave and strong and courageous so that through me the message would be proclaimed.

I would go through this a million times if it meant one person found Christ through my journey.  Or if one person renewed their relationship with the Lord of the Universe.

I pray that through me, You would be lifted higher. That through me (in some small way) I could further your Kingdom."


I share her heart and words with you.

If you don't know this One True King that we speak of, then our prayer is that you will seek Him and find Him.  If you have, somewhere along the way, gotten away from Him, then our prayer is that you will renew your commitment to Him.  He is truly the way, the truth, and the life.

My daughter knows that.  I know that.  And I hope you do, too.


"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, "I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life".
John 8:12






Friday morning

 Friday morning walk

She eats!

Where we are

Opening the mail:)

Going out for sushi.  Or not...

Saturday morning!

Adie: Only You

Saturday Out-takes:)